Golden Gremlin By Rod A. Walters

Cover of Golden Gremlin. I loved this book. It is a bunch of essay type articles on different subjects.

Most of them are snarky. Which is perfectly reasonable since they are “A Vigorous Push from Misanthropes and Geezers.” I have never met a geezer that wasn’t snarky. Especially the old ones.

My favorite essay was the one where he tells us all about what a caucus is and where they came from. I think he came pretty close to the real truth, which they don’t teach in school. Just saying.

Some of these had me laughing, but all are amusing. He comes at things from a completely unexpected direction.

Very good read. Especially good to carry around and read while waiting in lines. Better when read out loud, but folks will look at you funny.

For an example of the sort of thing you will find in the book, check out this Guest Post:

Dating, after the apocalypse (summary version)

A very important person recently suggested that I write about the future of dating, what with all the recent bad sex-news. This is not that “capital-A” Apocalypse thing, with panicked people running around, buildings afire, and huge earthquakes gobbling streets and busloads of bug-eyed Apocalypse-bound citizens. This “small-a” apocalypse gets set in 2037AD, after which I will be dead, or worse, beyond any useful dating range.

Oh, this same important person recommended interviewing a variety of people to get a good grasp of what an average cross section believed about dating in the future. At least within driving distance.

This could be a huge job, so maybe a few basics:

Postulate Number 1: Humans have had the same biological wiring for 100,000-plus years. People in the know say, “anatomically modern humans” (AMHs).

Postulate Number 2: We AMHs may have technology to see & hear farther, travel faster, live longer, and text-message more quickly than our ancestors, but the basic AMH body still processes like eons ago. No faster, no brighter, and we still can’t read minds.

Okay. Time to roll up the sleeves and get to work. For us boys, this also displays our forearms. Such a string of interviews will mean surveying a rather large number of 21st Century AMHs: ages, genders (Facebook has 51, let’s settle for 12), races, nationalities, marital status, politics, socioeconomics, etcetera, etc.

Doing the math, we must get one thousand six-hundred interviews. Two hours each.

Then there’s analysis and decision. It’s a sure bet that half the people will be lying to either me or themselves. Or just changing their minds. Both are normal, but this project has to end well before my apocalypse! So, skip this clumsy interview plan.

The project will now have to sprout from the two Postulates, and from my own eons-old AMH-inherited brain. Recall the truism, “The world population continues to increase, so the natural-rights dating system must be working, more or less.”

I have always only been an AMH boy, so I only really know half of this natural-rights dating system. Before finding a date, we boy-AMHs have to get upset stomachs, sweats, vague doubts, and general physical and mental self-ridicule. Then at the time for action, it is crucial to become tongue-tied when actually confronting the girl. Confronting happens either in person or by telephone. Real boys never ask for a date by computer. That would lack boy-courage, and should not be trusted. So now,

Postulate Number 3: The boy must like the girl, more than the girl likes the boy, or the long-term date won’t work. Historically, AMH-ly, true.

Flowers may or not be helpful, and probably shouldn’t be, but they may not hurt either. This very same important person confided that an effective greeting would be a sincere, “Hello.” I think I have learned another important starter on my own, after many years, good for all AMH history and good discipline for myself: NOW BE QUIET AND LISTEN.


About the book:

Written to make Dave Barry, Lily Tomlin, and Ben Stein laugh, Golden Gremlin: A Vigorous Push from Misanthropes and Geezers delivers the experience of a balanced life, and the wisdom to like most of it, and then laugh at the rest of it. What the heck, Barry lives in Miami, habitat of geezers, and Ben Stein is one. The world really needs that push, vigorous or gentle, from misanthropes & geezers, the world’s most valuable golden gremlins. Misanthropes pretend to not like or need other people, but in reality they merely prefer their own company much of the time. Geezers, aside from that silly name, also like their own company quite well. Both share the virtue of seeing the world calmly. You get pointy bite-sized life pointers from these experienced gremlins, told in easy bite-size chunks. Laughter included in the price! Two out of three wouldn’t be bad either.
Life is good! So laugh a little at yourself on the way through these pointy essays, and that will buy your laughing at the world’s simpler parts, guilt free.

Golden Gremlin comprises about 70 short essays bundled into six topic areas:

NATURE: boys, ugly drivers, and coffee cups in the ‘fridge.
WORDS: the real meaning of Caucasian and Genre.
BUSINESS: deafness at the economics conference, and getting on AssBook.
KITCHENS: sushi chefs, and truth about manna.
HISTORY: when Hell froze, and Attila the Honey.

Golden boy gets to be GOLDEN GREMLIN: experience overcomes certainty.
What things could possibly be more important!

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About the author:

Author Rod Walters.Rod Walters lives and writes in upstate New York to prove he can be an all-season writer. Since he wants everybody to be all-season persons no matter her or his circumstance, his writing aims sharply toward the practical—without turning into one of those godawful do it ma’ way authors. Life, after all, is practical hour by hour. Self-described as “old enough to know better, and he probably is,” his former life as Army officer, engineer, and administrative assistant could not have better prepared him to write both light and more serious short pieces pointing to creating a balanced life. Chuckling at yourself usually makes a good takeoff, he says. Giving up having to be certain makes for a good landing, especially for one’s friends! Then again, who the heck wants to live a balanced life? Mostly everybody does. That’s why he now writes. Although many friends nudge and badger him to be a Facebook and Twitter butterfly, he tries not to spend many numbing hours a day with circular keyboard tapping. Writing works better.

Connect with the Author: Website 

Tour Schedule (Eeek I’m late! Sorry about that folks. ) :

Feb 12 – Library of Clean Reads – review / giveaway
Feb 13 – Simple Wyrdings – review / guest post / giveaway
Feb 14 – Amie’s Book Reviews – review / giveaway
Feb 14 – The World As I See It – review / giveaway
Feb 15 – The All Night Library – review / author interview
Feb 16 – Bound 4 Escape – review / giveaway
Feb 19 – A Mama’s Corner of the World – review / giveaway
Feb 20 – The Irresponsible Reader – review / guest post / giveaway
Feb 21 – – review / giveaway
Feb 22 – Rockin’ Book Reviews – book spotlight / guest post / giveaway
Feb 23 – Svetlana’s Reads and Views – review
Feb 23 – Books for Books – review

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This post is part of a Blog Tour by Iread Book Tours. I received a free book to review.

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